I found out yesterday that a long time friend had passed away. He had been fighting cancer for two years, and finally went home. I was able to visit him and spend the night with his family at their house in DesMoines a week and a half ago. We laughed together and cried together, and one of the last things that I said to him was "Since it looks like you'll get there before me, give me a call when you arrive and let me know how things are." So far he hasn't called yet. Maybe they don't have phones in heaven.
I layed awake last night thinking about him - a wife and kids who have to go on, and my friend just on the other side of this thin veil we call reality. I wondered if he knew my thoughts like my Papa knows my thoughts, if he could hear my heart for him and his family. I know he is in heaven - if there is a heaven, my friend is there. He was a good and godly man.
But I hurt for all of us left here in this life, still having to endure the days, the pain, the confusion of life in this world. From my perspective, I won't see my friend for a long time. For him, it will be but a blink of an eye.
So Mark, if you can read this, know that I love you, that I will miss you, and that I am a little envious that you get to be there while we are stuck here. Enjoy, and I look forward to the day I can see my hubba-bubba-cave-man brother again.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Friday, December 11, 2009
...Out of obscurity
I was reading about John the Baptizer this morning, from Luke chapter 1. The last verse of the chapter struck me with two thoughts:
1. It says John grew up and become strong in spirit.
I wonder what that means? And if I were honest, I would have to admit that I am jealous. I deeply long to be strong in spirit - to know his presence and strength. There is nothing I hunger for more - the wisdom that he offers. But lately I feel like I am blundering recklessly, like a gorilla with a tea set of fine china. Nothing seems to go right, and I am afraid of making poor choices. I deeply long to be a very different person than I am - more transformed by his love, living that love with strength of spirit.
2. It says that John lived in the desert until he appeared publicly to Israel.
I thought about all that time he lived in obscurity, doing nothing noteworthy, then suddenly being launched out onto the front lines, eventually to lose his head over the whole thing (literally!). It made me notice how bad I am at living in obscurity. Since I was a young kid I wanted to impact the world deeply. Now, several decades later, I am still waiting.
It strikes me today that the words of God, as well as The Word of God, are still both very alive. And I am thankful, because there is a ton of work to be done on my heart.
1. It says John grew up and become strong in spirit.
I wonder what that means? And if I were honest, I would have to admit that I am jealous. I deeply long to be strong in spirit - to know his presence and strength. There is nothing I hunger for more - the wisdom that he offers. But lately I feel like I am blundering recklessly, like a gorilla with a tea set of fine china. Nothing seems to go right, and I am afraid of making poor choices. I deeply long to be a very different person than I am - more transformed by his love, living that love with strength of spirit.
2. It says that John lived in the desert until he appeared publicly to Israel.
I thought about all that time he lived in obscurity, doing nothing noteworthy, then suddenly being launched out onto the front lines, eventually to lose his head over the whole thing (literally!). It made me notice how bad I am at living in obscurity. Since I was a young kid I wanted to impact the world deeply. Now, several decades later, I am still waiting.
It strikes me today that the words of God, as well as The Word of God, are still both very alive. And I am thankful, because there is a ton of work to be done on my heart.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Another winter
As I write, it is snowing outside - a lot. There are two severe winter storm warnings back to back coming our way. Right now there is about two inches on the ground, and the snow plows are running. It is one of those days where you feel like hunkering down with a cup of soup and an old movie.
This much snow makes me panic a little. Do we have food in the cupboards? Can my car make it home? It throws me back to being a kid, when I actually liked the heavy snow. We lived way out in the country and the nearest neighbor was over a mile away, and the nearest town 15 miles away. There were many times when we would be snowed in for several days in a row. One time the only way we could get out was via snow mobile, gliding along on top of the 10 foot drifts near our farm.
But now I find myself worrying about the snow. Somewhere between way-back-then and now, I got old. Snow isn't a reason to stay home from school or work - it is a challenge to overcome, on top of the mounting pile that life seems to be throwing my way lately. Another obstacle to life - one that overwhelms me.
I don't want to live like this. I want to thrive and enjoy the snow piles of life. But the last couple years have taught me that enjoying is a luxury that I haven't had much space to afford. It has been about survival, not enjoyment.
Where does Jesus enter into all this? That is the very question, isn't it? Because if Christmas is about anything, it is about Him entering - our world, our hearts, our burdening snow piles.
Jesus, enter this snow storm with me. Show me the way once again.
This much snow makes me panic a little. Do we have food in the cupboards? Can my car make it home? It throws me back to being a kid, when I actually liked the heavy snow. We lived way out in the country and the nearest neighbor was over a mile away, and the nearest town 15 miles away. There were many times when we would be snowed in for several days in a row. One time the only way we could get out was via snow mobile, gliding along on top of the 10 foot drifts near our farm.
But now I find myself worrying about the snow. Somewhere between way-back-then and now, I got old. Snow isn't a reason to stay home from school or work - it is a challenge to overcome, on top of the mounting pile that life seems to be throwing my way lately. Another obstacle to life - one that overwhelms me.
I don't want to live like this. I want to thrive and enjoy the snow piles of life. But the last couple years have taught me that enjoying is a luxury that I haven't had much space to afford. It has been about survival, not enjoyment.
Where does Jesus enter into all this? That is the very question, isn't it? Because if Christmas is about anything, it is about Him entering - our world, our hearts, our burdening snow piles.
Jesus, enter this snow storm with me. Show me the way once again.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The best and worst of times
We moved truckloads of crap yesterday to the new house we are renting. It seems you never really realize how much stuff you have until you move. Before yesterday I would have said that we live pretty light and don't have that much junk. Today I am overwhelmed with the amount of stuff "living light" translates into.
We had a boatload of people show up to help, and all of them humbled me as they moved our crap from one place to another. On the way to the new house, one of our cars died, and one couple drove almost an hour back and trailered the piece of junk to the new house. It was way beyond the call of duty. Everyone's gift of time and muscle was way beyond the call of duty and friendship. How do you repay people for that kind of love?
Then there was the other side of humanity. Some new neighbor had to stop in - as we were in the middle of unloading our crap- worried about how many cars we might have that might make the neighborhood unsightly. Someone took the keys to the house, so we were left without access to the little guest cabin out back that was to become our extra bedroom. Currently the nice mattress for that room is covered in 5 inches of snow and sleet leaning against the door we have no key for. The previous tenant's stuff is in almost every room, so we can't set up anything. There was no offer to move the junk; no willingness to let us move the junk; and little empathy for our plight.
It was weird to experience total opposite treatment from the same human race. One side selfless and giving; the other thoughtless and unkind.
Yet God made us all, and somehow manages to love us, whether we are selfless and kind, or whether we are complete pigs to each other. I hope someday to be able to love with that kind of grace. But today I am stuck in frustration and finding it hard to love the lesser side of humanity.
We had a boatload of people show up to help, and all of them humbled me as they moved our crap from one place to another. On the way to the new house, one of our cars died, and one couple drove almost an hour back and trailered the piece of junk to the new house. It was way beyond the call of duty. Everyone's gift of time and muscle was way beyond the call of duty and friendship. How do you repay people for that kind of love?
Then there was the other side of humanity. Some new neighbor had to stop in - as we were in the middle of unloading our crap- worried about how many cars we might have that might make the neighborhood unsightly. Someone took the keys to the house, so we were left without access to the little guest cabin out back that was to become our extra bedroom. Currently the nice mattress for that room is covered in 5 inches of snow and sleet leaning against the door we have no key for. The previous tenant's stuff is in almost every room, so we can't set up anything. There was no offer to move the junk; no willingness to let us move the junk; and little empathy for our plight.
It was weird to experience total opposite treatment from the same human race. One side selfless and giving; the other thoughtless and unkind.
Yet God made us all, and somehow manages to love us, whether we are selfless and kind, or whether we are complete pigs to each other. I hope someday to be able to love with that kind of grace. But today I am stuck in frustration and finding it hard to love the lesser side of humanity.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Without a map (or a clue)
We will move most of our belongings tomorrow to a new house. Strange to think that the path has led us to this place. Or should I say away from this place? It was almost two years ago that we moved to Colorado, following what felt like the Spirit of God. Some pretty miraculous things happened for us to be able to buy this house and live in this place.
But now that chapter is ending, and as the pages turn, I really don't have a clue of what lies ahead. I know the new address, and I know the bills that are piling up in the middle of the chaos of our lives right now, but where the road leads is a mystery. And behind the curtain of the mystery, behind the "what" of what lies ahead is the eternal question of "why". Is God at work in every movement, or are we blundering on in our typical style of life? Is there a grander scheme, or are we taking another step in a meaningless staircase?
I won't pretend to know the answers. (At least that much has changed.) What I do pretend is to believe that God is still in charge, still directing, and still interested in creating in us a little bit of Himself. And it is to that end that we follow the ongoing mysterious road that lies before us.
But now that chapter is ending, and as the pages turn, I really don't have a clue of what lies ahead. I know the new address, and I know the bills that are piling up in the middle of the chaos of our lives right now, but where the road leads is a mystery. And behind the curtain of the mystery, behind the "what" of what lies ahead is the eternal question of "why". Is God at work in every movement, or are we blundering on in our typical style of life? Is there a grander scheme, or are we taking another step in a meaningless staircase?
I won't pretend to know the answers. (At least that much has changed.) What I do pretend is to believe that God is still in charge, still directing, and still interested in creating in us a little bit of Himself. And it is to that end that we follow the ongoing mysterious road that lies before us.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Climbing low mountains
Another blog post way over due (thanks Carol for the reminder).
I was talking with a guy the other day whose philosophy of life is best summed up by the theme statement "climb low mountains". It reflected in his life very congruently. If he never tried to climb a mountain that was very high, he could never fail. And I found myself admiring the integrity. He really is a guy who won't try for the high mountains.
But I found the call in my heart as obviously on the other end of the spectrum. I realized that my pattern of life is probably best summed up in the philosophy "climb impossible mountains", which translates to disappointment and discouragement much of the time. I wonder if I might do better trying to summit little peaks rather than the huge ones. But when I think about it, its just not me. The very essence of who I am is a combination of dreamer and enough "ridiculous" inside (I have plenty of that) to actually try to live out the dreams.
And after 30 years of that, sometimes I wonder if I should give up. How many lower peaks could I have been successful on? Or would they have even felt like success if I had settled for the accomplishments of smaller mountains? All I know is that I am called to live what is true inside of me, and that truth inside has never spent much time on low mountains.
So I guess my new philosophy is one that sounds something like this - "Blunder on, and trust that by doing so, God is glorified because He made me a blunderer."
I deeply pray that He is reflected somewhere on the trek to the highest mountains.
I was talking with a guy the other day whose philosophy of life is best summed up by the theme statement "climb low mountains". It reflected in his life very congruently. If he never tried to climb a mountain that was very high, he could never fail. And I found myself admiring the integrity. He really is a guy who won't try for the high mountains.
But I found the call in my heart as obviously on the other end of the spectrum. I realized that my pattern of life is probably best summed up in the philosophy "climb impossible mountains", which translates to disappointment and discouragement much of the time. I wonder if I might do better trying to summit little peaks rather than the huge ones. But when I think about it, its just not me. The very essence of who I am is a combination of dreamer and enough "ridiculous" inside (I have plenty of that) to actually try to live out the dreams.
And after 30 years of that, sometimes I wonder if I should give up. How many lower peaks could I have been successful on? Or would they have even felt like success if I had settled for the accomplishments of smaller mountains? All I know is that I am called to live what is true inside of me, and that truth inside has never spent much time on low mountains.
So I guess my new philosophy is one that sounds something like this - "Blunder on, and trust that by doing so, God is glorified because He made me a blunderer."
I deeply pray that He is reflected somewhere on the trek to the highest mountains.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Knowing scripture
I hear a lot of evangelical Christians talking about how we need to base everything on scripture. I remember holding that same value when I was a fundy too. Now that whole picture seems pretty confusing.
I find myself wanting to ask silly questions - "Which particular set of scriptures are we referring to? The KJV or the NIV or the NAS or the BS version of the Bible??" Or which interpretation of the "scriptures" are we holding to? Are we Armenian or Calvin? Are we reformation or Anabaptist? Because the real truth is that you can talk to 10 different theologians and get 12 different interpretations from 18 different schools of thought about a single verse from the Bible.
So which beliefs are we drawing from what interpretation of what scriptures?
And what ever happened to the presentness of God? Why do we rely so heavily on how God represented Himself 2000 years ago, yet ignore that He is still hanging around right now, equally as knowable?
I guess "knowing scriptures" is a hell of a lot easier than knowing God.
I find myself wanting to ask silly questions - "Which particular set of scriptures are we referring to? The KJV or the NIV or the NAS or the BS version of the Bible??" Or which interpretation of the "scriptures" are we holding to? Are we Armenian or Calvin? Are we reformation or Anabaptist? Because the real truth is that you can talk to 10 different theologians and get 12 different interpretations from 18 different schools of thought about a single verse from the Bible.
So which beliefs are we drawing from what interpretation of what scriptures?
And what ever happened to the presentness of God? Why do we rely so heavily on how God represented Himself 2000 years ago, yet ignore that He is still hanging around right now, equally as knowable?
I guess "knowing scriptures" is a hell of a lot easier than knowing God.
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