Getting Pushed to the Edge

Lately I have been learning a very hard lesson about trusting God. Duh! Life is always about trusting God. But lately it has been really hard. I got my mind set on something I wanted. It was a big thing, and really important. I moved into the adventure because I felt like He was indicating the move. Things were working out and steps that I needed to take were getting done with ease. I thought that meant I was following the path He wanted me to take.

Then things fell apart. We tried again. It fell apart again. The strange part is that I still really believed that God was directing my actions, and that it would be 'walking in faith' to proceed. There is a part of me even as I write that still thinks I am to proceed in the same direction.

I have walked with God a long time. I have played every stupid game there is. Most of them I have played thinking I was actually fooling somebody. I know I am an idiot saved by a ridiculously loving Papa. But this thing we were wanting really felt like it was something God was leading us into. Even after it fell apart 6 or 7 times, I still felt sure in my heart that Daddy wanted me to proceed.

So I guess he is taking me to a new edge in my life. I have walked to many edges in my foolishness or selfishness. I know those edges. This one really was a walk of faith, and I know I wasn't being stupid in my decision to walk out there. But for some reason I am standing here with my toes hanging over the edge, knowing that my loving Daddy led me here, and knowing on another level that it isn't going like it should have. So I am standing here with my hands empty and looking a little dumb, because there was nothing out here. The journey led no where.

And I am learning another lesson in trusting my mysterious God. I'm not mad at him or really even that disappointed. I just am surprised that there is this whole other facet of Papa that I didn't see before. I will follow him. Even if he keeps leading me to cliffs that don't go anywhere.