Wrestling with gremlins

It's one of those days where life feels out of control within the first hour of rising. The same old gremlins that have always been in my head. Ever since I was a kid they have told me how bad I am, how many mistakes I have made, how lousy of a human I am. I think there are many of us who probably have the same little critters rolling around in our heads. I've talked to enough people to know I am not the only one.

For many years they have run unchecked, unedited - and ruined much of my life. I realized today that there is nothing new in the negative junk in my head. It's the same old mantra. What I did realize today that was new was that ignoring it isn't working. I realized that I can distract myself all day long, and they will still be there at the end of the day. I realized today that I can learn something from Papa in that place I avoid. There is a gift somewhere in there, if I will let myself sit with it.

I guess that probably doesn't sound very profound. I am realizing that almost everything about my Christianity up to the last couple years has been about me being comfortable as a Christian. Padded pews, Christian radio, Christian CDs, socializing with Christians, beautiful people performing beautiful music so I can have a really great experience. All of it for one person's glory - me.

I'm tired of it. I hate being uncomfortable as much as the next guy. Maybe more. But I am more tired of my subtle demand for comfort dictating where I go in my faith. I believe that Papa is calling me to sit with the gremlins and stop letting them bully me, and meet Him in a new way there. I have always avoided that place. It was too uncomfortable. Now I see that a lie bigger than the messages of my gremlins has been whispering in my ear about how important it is to stay fat and happy as a believer and it has been controlling my way of being with Jesus.

Today I want to do it His way. So the gremlins and I are going to have it out.