Honesty

Honestly, and I sit down to write, I don't know what I want to write about honesty. I suppose that is a good place to start - being honest. It seems to be one of those character traits that gets undefined. I think it is a little like integrity, a little like authenticity, probably somehow related to vulnerability, and in the same ball park as truth. Maybe it is a way of living out being truthful.

I do know a couple things about honesty, amidst all that I don't know. I know that is rare. I know that the opposite is lying, and that it begins first with doing it with ourselves. I know that being honest is really hard, because it means we share the real thing with another person, and doing that means we have to trust them. I know that it is a very naked feeling, one where I risk judgment and critique and condemnation as I share the truth. I also know that it is because of judgment and critique and condemnation that we lie. It makes we wonder which is worse.

Choosing to be honest is an everyday choice. It is ultimately an act of surrender before God, trusting, choosing to believe His take on who you are above what others might think. It is learning to rest in Him rather than listen to the crowds. Our society and culture seem to propagate lying. Its just a lot easier.

I don't know if I can define honesty, but I can share an example. I am not into sports. I played every sport there was when I was young. I was actually really good at almost all of them. I grew up being told that how I performed at sports was the measure of my value as a young man. If I did well, I was a good person. If I lost or didn't do my best, I was second rate, inferior, not as worthy of love and affection. I was measured, and usually felt lacking, when it came to my performance. There, that is honest.

But when I am with other men, all they seem to talk about is sports. Lots of them eat, breath, and sleep their team. Some have t-shirts with their sport and their team on them. Some have trucks with their team embossed somewhere on the vehicle. For some reason, guys are really into sports. And when I am with a bunch of guys, that is what they talk about. Sometimes it is all they talk about. And when asked who I root for, I usually make something up. It is just easier to say 'Da Bears' than it is to explain 'Da history'. If I were to be honest, I would say that I never watch sports, don't watch Tv, and couldn't for the life of me tell you who won the world series, the last Superbowl, or when the last time was I watched a game (or cared to). That would be honest, but it would make me look like a complete dork in the midst of a bunch of sports nuts, and bring a real hush on the conversation. Thoughts about whether I was a real man or not would cross some of the guy's minds. Some would wonder what planet I came from, while others might admire my courage. And some would think I was gay.

I would like to not really care what other people think, and be totally honest all the time. That is my goal. But there is a cost, and when I am really honest, its one I am not always willing to pay.

When I look at the life of Jesus, I believe He demonstrated what it meant to live honest. He didn't let the opinions of people yank Him to and fro (I have always wanted to use those two words in an article, but honestly I don't know what they really mean or how to spell them). Jesus was like a rock unmoved by wind and rain and pharisee prejudice. He lived honest all day long. He lived true to himself. And I guess that's what it means to live honest - to live true to ourselves, living in truth inside ourselves, and living truthfully in our relationships outside, because of the inside.