Death of a car

My brand new 1985 Honda Civic died yesterday. Today I am grieving the loss of my good friend. We had just gotten back from a 2500 mile trip to the mid west and we were both still recovering (me and the car). As I headed up the highest hill between home and my destination today, the timing belt broke. And evidently my model of Honda is a interference motor - meaning that when the timing belt goes, it ruins the engine.

I bring all this up to point out my foolishness. Not that I did anything foolish with the car, though it would have been smart to change the timing belt before it broke (doh!). But my foolishness comes when I realize I am sitting here worrying about a $400 car. It was a gift to me, but instead of appreciating the gift and the miles I got out of it, I am worrying about how I will pay for the towing and the final pronouncement of death. I am letting a car steal my present-ness, my joy, and my power.

I wonder if this journey of growth and learning will ever come to an end. As I sit with that question, I am aware of the answer - that the journey will end when the final pronouncement of my death comes - when my timing belt finally goes. And between now and then I want to get a lot better at taking back my joy, my power, and my present-ness.