The herding Spirit of God

It is funny sometimes how life herds you toward something that you don't want to face. That has been happening lately in my life. If I had a choice, I think I would run the other way. But like sheep being directed through a gate, life leads us to inevitable choices sometimes - or is that lack of choices.

I am reminded that Papa never leaves us. I know that He will never forsake. I also know that He will herd and direct us, even if we don't want to go. And as painful as that can be sometimes, it is comforting to know that He is in charge.

I suspect that the herding of the Holy Spirit will lead me to the foot of the cross - whether I like it or not, and whether I want to go there or not.

Death of a car

My brand new 1985 Honda Civic died yesterday. Today I am grieving the loss of my good friend. We had just gotten back from a 2500 mile trip to the mid west and we were both still recovering (me and the car). As I headed up the highest hill between home and my destination today, the timing belt broke. And evidently my model of Honda is a interference motor - meaning that when the timing belt goes, it ruins the engine.

I bring all this up to point out my foolishness. Not that I did anything foolish with the car, though it would have been smart to change the timing belt before it broke (doh!). But my foolishness comes when I realize I am sitting here worrying about a $400 car. It was a gift to me, but instead of appreciating the gift and the miles I got out of it, I am worrying about how I will pay for the towing and the final pronouncement of death. I am letting a car steal my present-ness, my joy, and my power.

I wonder if this journey of growth and learning will ever come to an end. As I sit with that question, I am aware of the answer - that the journey will end when the final pronouncement of my death comes - when my timing belt finally goes. And between now and then I want to get a lot better at taking back my joy, my power, and my present-ness.

Bumper sticker theology

Okay - I'm completely on a tangent today. But it seems worth sharing.

I was behind a car the other day that had a world class bumper sticker on the right, rear bumper. It said....

Wag more..........Bark less

I loved it. What a wonderful philosophy of life. Live in the happy, the good, the blessed in life. Gripe about life and the terrible things that come down the pike at you a whole bunch less. Imagine if we were to do that one simple thing.

But we won't, or we don't. We convolute the simple and complicate the obvious. We buy more and more toys or complain more and more hours of our day because life isn't going the way we think it should. We have become very adept at making things hard.

You might ask how I can say with certainty that we won't do the simple. And I would answer with this; God gave us one simple command - to love - and we can't even get close to getting that right. We are too invested in studying the Bible more or going to church more or discussing theology more to do the very simple "givens" that are already on the table. Our place mat is covered with the obvious, but we overlook it for the hidden, hoping to make the obvious disappear. And if we can get it to disappear, we might not be held accountable to do it.

We have a choice - we always have a choice. We can wag more and bark less, or we can do what we have always done and perpetuate our current level of incompetence in the Body of Christ.

.....Or we could just love.

An undeserved grace

I just got back from a really fast road trip to see my son and grandson. It was 2500 miles in 4 days. Needless to say, my butt is a little sore.

I got to meet my newborn grandson for the first time. That was pretty incredible. And my son (the grandson's father) got married. It was a whirlwind weekend.

As I reflect on the whole experience, I am humbled that I got to be a part of it. I got to hold my grandson for hours, and I got to be a part of the wedding as well. I was humbled because they included me. I didn't deserve that.

And I realize that my attitude made all the difference - knowing that I didn't deserve it. I was really aware of the subtle ways I was noticed and honored during my time there because I knew they didn't have to include me. I was moved by every act that I didn't deserve. At one point I was holding my grandson and someone else thought they should be able to hold him and sorta took my choice away to carry him in my arms. At first I wanted to argue, but then I realized that I was just privileged to know him and hold him for even a few minutes. So I handed him over. I could feel myself surrendering as I did. I knew that in less than 6 hours I would be on the road and not see him again for several months, but I let it go. It was far harder than I ever imagined it being.

I understand on a new level the grace of God. Grace is one of those things that we can take for granted sometimes- yah, God offers and we accept - but it doesn't always change us. Bonhoffer called that "cheap grace" because it didn't cause a response. After holding that baby and being included in that wedding, even though I didn't deserve either, I know new meaning to the word "grace". And I have a new appreciation for the grace God has shown me - totally undeserved and unmerited - yet freely offered. I realize that I am a lucky man.

Truly I am a lucky man....

An update

I was just reading my own blogs and realized I left you hanging. My grandson, Landon James, came home to live with mom and dad 2 days ago. Since I haven't received any panic calls from my son, I am thinking they are doing good. I drive the 2500 miles round trip next week to meet him for the first time. You could say I am looking forward to the introduction.

Thank you to everyone who has cared and prayed. And thanks especially to grampachapman for his vulnerable heart.

Now my prayer is that Landon turns out to give his dad as much grief as his father gave me...

The path of pain

Life has been taking me down some tough roads lately. I guess it might be better to say that they are vicariously tough - I seem to be walking with folks who are going through really tough times. It is a path I wish I didn't know so well.

I hate watching people I love having to endure pain. It is harder still to be the one to encourage them to not only endure that pain, but to embrace it. Because it is the vehicle of pain that changes us. It was the pain Jesus suffered on the cross that paid for our healing. Remember that Isaiah verse "By His Stripes (wounds) we are healed"? Jesus' death paid for our sin, but it was His suffering - enduring pain - that healed us. His willingness to embrace pain literally changed all of history for the rest of us.

But encouraging people to not run from their pain and embrace it instead is an unwelcome gospel. The only thing that makes the carrier of that message believable is their own embracing of pain. And there is something inside of all of us that can tell if a person really knows what they are talking about when it comes to pain. You have either been there or you haven't. And people can tell if you have.

And sadly, we need more people to be willing to go there so we can have have more people who have been there. Those "been there" folks are worth more than gold to the body of Christ. But they are few and far between. I guess our comfort has become more important than our growth.

Being a dad

It has been way too long since I have written. As I reflect on the space between my last post and this one, I notice that this is the place where I share my heart. I also notice that "heart" is one of the gifts that makes me unique. So here are some thoughts from my heart.

My first grandson was born two days ago. His father and I have always had a special bond, so we have talked lots over the last few days leading up to Landon's birth. Keagan and I used to work together, and when times got tough, he would lean my way with his concerns.

But today is hard for two reasons. Today is my birthday, and I find myself torn between celebrating another year, and my grandson being in the hospital. Landon is getting oxygen and in special care because he is having trouble breathing. His dad called early this morning scared and in pain. It hurt me so much to watch him have to face the terror of the tentativeness of life. It is a powerlessness that comes with fatherhood, one that we all have to face sooner or later in our journey. It is also one you wish you could spare your kids from. I noticed my own fear for Landon, and my inability to really offer solid hope for my son, the new father. It was one of those times I won't forget quickly.

One of the things that struck me particularly hard was that having a son of your own really brings home the love our Papa must have had for us in giving His only son. What a crazy, vulnerable, selfless, terrifying act of love toward a people who can't see past their own pain and self focusedness to receive the gift.

So what am I saying? I'm not sure if I even know. I guess I want to communicate something about the profound love of God and the tentative path that life takes sometimes, and that though we have no guarantees that things will go good, we have the guarantee that we will never be alone when it happens. If our goal is to have a Papa with us, we can count on it. If our goal is to have the rough spots go away, we are going to be left feeling pretty alone.

I am scared for Landon and his dad and his dad's dad. All of them could use your prayers today.