We arrived in Colorado a week ago. In that week we have had to replace a furnace, put a hot water heater in, fix a caved in roof, hunt down (literally) our postal carrier, get three feet of snow shoveled off the roof, go without water for 5 days, remove a dead cat in the crawl space, and haul a dead skunk off the property. I have been in the well pit dozens of times. Everything has been a complete mess. Instead of boring readers with my whining about what we have been through, I thought I would focus on what Papa has been doing.
And the most important thing Papa has been teaching me is that He is easily found when looked for. I am learning that when I remove the glasses of religious garbage, He tends to show up more. We first found him in the local bar and grill down the street. He showed up as a couple of friendly gals running this 'mucho local color' bar at the bottom of our hill. They talked and fed us and told stories of their horse trip last summer. They invited us into their family there at the bar and made sure we knew we were welcome any time. They were Jesus to us, whipping up hamhocks and beans (for free) and introducing us to everybody who came through the door. It was the church without the stained glass and self righteousness, without sunday best clothing and easter bonnets. And nobody hit us up for tithes or offerings. I made an offering, by the way, and tried to pay for the hamhocks and beans. They refused my offering and were slightly miffed that I would try to buy them off. It was a gift, not something you pay for.
I can't say that we will frequent the bar regularly, but it was a great place. And I hate to say it, but more 'church' happened there than has happened in the box on Sunday morning in years. And I didn't have to feel guilty or obligated or feel like there was something wrong if I wanted to get up and leave anytime I wanted. I didn't have to put on any pretenses or go through any religious hoopla. I got to be me.
Why is it that community happens outside of our self focused understanding of what should and shouldn't be in the kingdom of God? Why is it that we Christians think we are so much better or so much different than bar folks? More than that, why do we PRIDE ourselves in our difference? Maybe it's time for someone to stand up and speak the truth: "Self righteousness looks like crap when we wear it, so lets stop wearing it and be real people".
We are talking about going to the institution this Sunday morning. I wonder if we will find Papa there.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Monday, March 3, 2008
Really humbled by an incredible God
This is a hard post to write. The journey God has had us on has gone to places I never imagined. Back in January I started blogging, and I wrote the following in a post called "Getting pushed to the edge":
"So I guess he is taking me to a new edge in my life. I have walked to many edges in my foolishness or selfishness. I know those edges. This one really was a walk of faith, and I know I wasn't being stupid in my decision to walk out there. But for some reason I am standing here with my toes hanging over the edge, knowing that my loving Daddy led me here, and knowing on another level that it isn't going like it should have. So I am standing here with my hands empty and looking a little dumb, because there was nothing out here. The journey led nowhere."
When I wrote that, we had been following Papa on a journey of trying to buy property in Colorado. We had found a place and it seemed perfect, and even though every time we tried to get financing it fell through, we felt certain that He was leading us to continue with it. As I wrote in the blog, I have had my own agenda many times in the past, yet this didn't feel like my agenda. It really seemed that God was leading us to pursue this house. I know that sounds selfish and way too much like the prosperity, religious BS that I feel strongly against. That is why it felt like God - because it called us into territory that was very uncomfortable for us. I have always thought that God has far better things to do than go around blessing already hedonistic people with more things they don't need. I believe in a God who doesn't have to do anything I want. I believe he is very much God if he doesn't bless or do anything I want him to do. I have worked hard to rediscover a faith that gets away from tenants like that.
So to say that it really felt like the spirit was leading buying this house is really hard to say. I don't think it was about God wanting to bless us. It was about seeing if we would be faithful to a God who looked like he wasn't going to do anything for us. All I knew at the time was that He was indicating this direction, and that we were supposed to follow, and that following, as crazy as it seemed to follow, was the act of worship He was calling us into.
It was particularly hard when the funding fell through more than half a dozen times. There looked like there might be a way, and then it would fall through. Over and over this happened. Finally we just gave up. We had exhausted every possible option truly believing that Papa wanted us to follow in this direction. The blog entry above was the final entry into the story - that the trusting of his goodness, even if nothing good happened, was the walk of faith. Getting to the edge of the cliff that lead to nowhere was the end. Or so we thought.
I won't go into details. Some pretty incredible things have happened through some pretty incredible people. I don't want to toot anybody's horn except my Papa's, so let it suffice to say that in 3 days we are leaving for Colorado, to move into a house that was meant to be. And now I am standing on the edge of a different cliff where suddenly, and miraculously, the path did lead somewhere. And I have to sit in utter amazement and awe at how much my Papa loves me.
"So I guess he is taking me to a new edge in my life. I have walked to many edges in my foolishness or selfishness. I know those edges. This one really was a walk of faith, and I know I wasn't being stupid in my decision to walk out there. But for some reason I am standing here with my toes hanging over the edge, knowing that my loving Daddy led me here, and knowing on another level that it isn't going like it should have. So I am standing here with my hands empty and looking a little dumb, because there was nothing out here. The journey led nowhere."
When I wrote that, we had been following Papa on a journey of trying to buy property in Colorado. We had found a place and it seemed perfect, and even though every time we tried to get financing it fell through, we felt certain that He was leading us to continue with it. As I wrote in the blog, I have had my own agenda many times in the past, yet this didn't feel like my agenda. It really seemed that God was leading us to pursue this house. I know that sounds selfish and way too much like the prosperity, religious BS that I feel strongly against. That is why it felt like God - because it called us into territory that was very uncomfortable for us. I have always thought that God has far better things to do than go around blessing already hedonistic people with more things they don't need. I believe in a God who doesn't have to do anything I want. I believe he is very much God if he doesn't bless or do anything I want him to do. I have worked hard to rediscover a faith that gets away from tenants like that.
So to say that it really felt like the spirit was leading buying this house is really hard to say. I don't think it was about God wanting to bless us. It was about seeing if we would be faithful to a God who looked like he wasn't going to do anything for us. All I knew at the time was that He was indicating this direction, and that we were supposed to follow, and that following, as crazy as it seemed to follow, was the act of worship He was calling us into.
It was particularly hard when the funding fell through more than half a dozen times. There looked like there might be a way, and then it would fall through. Over and over this happened. Finally we just gave up. We had exhausted every possible option truly believing that Papa wanted us to follow in this direction. The blog entry above was the final entry into the story - that the trusting of his goodness, even if nothing good happened, was the walk of faith. Getting to the edge of the cliff that lead to nowhere was the end. Or so we thought.
I won't go into details. Some pretty incredible things have happened through some pretty incredible people. I don't want to toot anybody's horn except my Papa's, so let it suffice to say that in 3 days we are leaving for Colorado, to move into a house that was meant to be. And now I am standing on the edge of a different cliff where suddenly, and miraculously, the path did lead somewhere. And I have to sit in utter amazement and awe at how much my Papa loves me.
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