A Smelly Problem

I have this thing about body odor. Not mine, just everybody else's. I walked by a guy this morning who I could smell from 10 feet away. I guess my nose is extra sensitive or something. I don't know how people can't smell themselves, and why nobody tells them that they stink. Surely there must someone in their lives who loves them enough to say "Hey dude, you need to take a shower, 'cause you staaaaank!"

I know, I sound like a jerk don't I. Sorry, that's not my intention. A couple thoughts go through my head when I step back and look at this smelly problem. The first is that I wonder if the problem might be that the smelly dude might not have anybody who loves him enough to tell him he smells. It might be that he doesn't have any friends. The second thing that strikes me about this odorous issue is that we all have body odor, don't we? Let me explain.

There is a scent we all give off, whether we know it or not. I don't mean our body smell though. I mean that the way we live and the way we think and the way we treat people gives off a 'smell' that others can pick up. It's the aroma of our lives - it is the fragrant (or not so fragrant) offering before the Lord. And some of us don't have anybody in our lives to tell us we aren't smelling very well. Everybody stays away because the 'smell' is too strong.

I wonder what kind of odor we give off? I wonder if people don't tell us we stink sometimes because they are afraid to. We all stink sometimes you know. Sometimes we can even smell it. The way we live isn't very fragrant before Him.

I want to live in a way that is a pleasing offering before my Papa. I know I stink. I know sometimes that the pungent overwhelm wafting into my nostrils is the smell of my own junk, not anybody else's.

Maybe we all need to take a really long shower. Maybe I am the only one. Whatever, I am deeply thankful that Papa's love for me is all about His grace, and his profound lack of smell.

Trails and Trials

We had a chance over the weekend to do some backpacking. Living in Colorado opens up more options for getting into the mountains than I could have previously even imagined. We started hiking around 9200 feet and hiked about 3 miles in and saw two incredible waterfalls. It was a hard hike. I had a newer pack that I wasn't used to. There were logs all over the trail since the forest service hadn't cleared the trail yet, and there were snow banks every 50 feet that I would sink into up to my thigh. Much of the trail was muddy, and it was cold at night. If that doesn't impress you, let me try the truth - I'm becoming a wimp.

I find that the trails always bring out something in me that I don't like. The trail exposes my unredeemed heart and the parts of me that are still very much flesh. The spirit of God hasn't finished his work in me - how's that sound? I begin to see what He already sees - the unlovely inside.

It isn't any surprise that the word 'trail' and the word 'trial' look and sound alike. The 'trials' in my life also reveal what the spirit of God hasn't conquered yet. The backpacking trail becomes a trial every time I hike. It becomes a subtle (sometimes not too subtle) reminder that I have a lot of growing to do.

But on a wholly deeper level, the fact that the trials and trails of life let me see my imperfections clearly isn't really that important part. The truth of the trail is that He sees my imperfections every day. I am surprised that I need so much work, but He isn't. Worse yet is the FACT that He sees and knows and isn't surprised, and chooses to love all that mess. As awful as the truth in my heart is as it is exposed by the trials and trails, more profound yet is His love and passionate desire just to hike with me. He doesn't care how I hike - how good at it or bad at it I might be. He only loves.

I think there are more of us on the trail that already know the unlovely parts of who we are and how we hike. But I wonder how many know that Papa only sees His kid, not the mess.

We are inviting men (nothing personal ladies) onto the trail (or trial) of an 8 day back country coaching experience in August. There are just a few spots left. If you want to meet a God who carries His own pack, who will get right in your face and love the bananas out of you, and who travels through the snow and downed trees and mud with you, think about joining us. You'll find out how bad of a hiker you really are, and you'll find out just how much He doesn't care. You might find out, heresy of all heresies, that Papa loves you - especially as a lousy hiker.

(For more information on the hike, check out the website. http://www.outsideedgecoaching.com/)

Gotta earn my love

I picked up the book "So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore", otherwise known as the Jake book, by Jake Colsen, and started reading it a couple days ago. A few years past my wife and I took the step to find Jesus outside of the institutional church building. It has been an interesting journey.

Last night I stayed up late and read. I haven't done that in years. Two things struck me as I finally put the book down. The first was the idea that I am on a familiar journey. There isn't as much wrong with the struggles I have found on the road as I thought there was. As I read, I saw my frustration and confusion were somewhat normal. That is the first thing that I got.

The second thing I found floating around in my head was the overwhelming concept that I don't have a clue how to let myself be loved. Not even a little bit. I am so steeped in 'earning' God's love that I can't even let myself rest or relax in it. I feel too guilty. The funny part is that as I write these words, I know deep in my soul how true they are, and I feel ashamed. I think to myself that I should work harder at knowing I am loved and then maybe I would be pleasing to God.

And I find myself so angry at religion. I find little love there for the institution that helped create this monster. Our kids went to an evening youth program for a couple weeks just to try it out and connect with some local kids. Every night they had awards they gave out for Bible reading and attendance and memorization. Our boys were only there a couple nights, so they hadn't been able to 'earn' lots of awards. It made them feel stupid and left out. My wife and I were nauseated with the works teaching. The message was clear - if you performed in the way expected, you were more valuable than the kids who didn't or couldn't. A kid who performed earned the noticing he received. A kid who didn't earn was less noticed.

The awful truth is that I have lived my whole life that way - earning my value, earning my love, trying to get enough points to measure up and be noticed. The other side of things is that the wonderful truth is that I have been wrong all these years. I am loved. I am valuable. I have more points than I will ever need, and I don't have to earn any more.

Today I don't know how to take in that love. I literally don't know what to do in the face of it. I want to figure it out really, really bad. And I know that no amount of performing or trying is going to make that happen.

Learning to be not needed

I have always served God, from the first day I decided to follow Jesus. Within three months of conversion I was working at a Christian camp. It was a denominational camp that had hired me before I became a Christian. Evidently it didn't matter to them if I was a believer or not. I looked like one because they knew what church I had gone to as a kid. I showed up at the camp on fire, sharing the Lord with every one I met, and ended up leading 3 staff members to Christ. I went from there to Bible college, then into ministry full time. Even after I left full time paid ministry, I served in churches we went to, often preaching or leading worship. It made me feel good to have something I could contribute.

The road has taken me some places I didn't really want to go, and I have done some things I really shouldn't have done, and I have ended up at a place I really never imagined being at. And for the first time in my spiritual life, I have had to go through a season where I wasn't serving. Nobody wanted my advice. Nobody wanted to hear me sing (if you had ever heard me sing, it might make more sense why nobody wanted to hear me sing). Nobody called up and wanted me to speak. And suddenly I was faced with the aweful thought of having to love God without all my props.

You see, serving was the way I found significance and value and purpose and meaning, and it made me feel really important. I KNEW I was important if I had something to do in the kingdom of God. And when all that was stripped away, I didn't know what to do. Literally! I had been 'doing' for God for 25 years. When I had nothing to do, I was forced to 'be' with God. It has been terrifying.

At the same time, we left the institutional church. If that doesn't make sense to you, that means we don't go to a big building on sunday morning and pay other people to teach us how to be Christians. We believe, as the Bible teaches, that the church is not a building or a gathering place. It is the people of God, whenever and where ever they are gathered, whether 2 or 3 or a hundred. The problem has been that I found all my spiritual value in performing for the institution. A good show meant I was a good and valuable Christian.

So I have to admit - standing naked before God without my performance and without the accolades and without the 'spiritual good boy' act has left me feeling pretty worthless. And getting to know Papa in this place has been really hard. And really worth it. You see, there isn't anything to hide behind. It's just me standing there before Him. No pulpits to hide behind, no microphones to make me bigger, no Christian glaze to make me sparkle. Just me. And Him. And I hate it.

I hate it because I have to deal with Him. I can't play games anymore. I can't pretend. I can't hide behind my own self righteousness or my works or my stage show or my illusions. I have to know Him. I have to deal with Him. I have to deal directly with Him.

Sounds like a good way to get to know Papa doesn't it.

What is real ministry?

Ok, so I'll probably get a lot of flak about this post. I apologize in advance if it ruffles some feathers. It isn't my desire to upset people. It is my desire to make people question and think. I will admit right up front that I can be harsh and judgmental at times, and that will probably come out as I write. But I find that it is true - we Christians are a lot like sheep. We follow blindly and never think for ourselves. So this blog is dedicated to making you think.

Awhile back I read in a church bulletin a series of announcements to the following effect:

"We are currently taking donations for the county wide relief fund. Our benevolence dollars are running low, and the number of needy families isn't, so please consider a gift to help those less fortunate. We understand that times are tight for everyone, so know that your gift would be deeply appreciated."

"The Smith family has been on the mission field in Brazil for 9 years now, living with the impoverished people there. The heart of their ministry has been to live like the people they minister to while still making a difference in the culture. The Smiths are requesting moneys for the building of a water treatment facility in their village. Fresh water would save an estimated 2000 lives in just one year. Please consider giving to this need."

"Good news! Our new building fund has reached the 3/4 mark, with approximately 4.2 million dollars given for the construction of the new building. Plans include a gymnasium, coffee cafe, multi-screen, multi-media venue with Dolby stereo and surround sound, and new offices for the 6 staff members we have. New personalized parking will be available and designated for church leaders."

Does anybody see what I see? We can glory in projects that benefit us, but getting money to help real people in real need is like pulling teeth. So I would like to challenge the system for a moment and make a heretical statement:

"Real ministry and entertaining Christians are two very different things".

Let me be more blunt. Bell choirs and padded pews and Dolby sound and videotaped conferences and church picnics and church bowling leagues (and softball leagues and volleyball leagues and golf leagues) have little to do with real needs being met and much to do with entertaining Christians. The Sunday morning circus of dramas and special music and pretty worship time and entertaining, captivating sermons condensed to 20 minutes are all about entertaining Christians. Little ministry happens to anyone except ourselves. The more entertaining a church is, the more people they will attract. The more people they attract, the more money is given to increase the entertainment level of the machine. Did you know that it is a standard in churches that only 10% of what is given on Sunday mornings goes to provide water to dieing Indigenous people or food to needy families? The other 90% goes to give us a pleasant experience on Sunday mornings, so we can play softball, so we can have a place to have prayer breakfasts and board meetings.

I don't know if I have a problem with the Sunday morning machine as much as I have a problem calling it ministry. Worse yet, we call it worship. Worship in Greek means the same as 'service', yet we are doing little to service anyone except ourselves. I would be much happier if we called it what it was - helping needy people we could call 'ministry'. Helping ourselves have a better time we could call 'entertainment'. Just don't call helping ourselves have a more pleasurable time 'meeting needs'. Isn't it more important that people avoid death and maybe hear about Jesus, than it is for the worship team to be perfectly synchronized or the choir be all dressed in the same outfits? Is that what Jesus gave His life for?

Ok, I'm done ranting. Let me know what you think. Tell me I am out to lunch (actually, I probably am most of the time.) Or tell me to get a real job, or agree with what I have said. Tell me where to go, or tell me you'd like to get going into making a difference. It doesn't really matter to me. What does matter is that each of us take some responsibility for the lifestyle we choose as Christians, and not follow the hind end of the sheep in front of us.

Doing the Givens

Have you ever heard the phrase 'not a math wiz'? Well that's me. I took Algebra in Highschool, where I stared out the window and wondered what we were talking about. It always surprised me when other kids in the class actually answered the questions the teacher asked. I had absolutely no clue as to what X was, and I really couldn't have cared less. I still don't know what X is, 30 years later.

To get through college and grad school, I discovered that nobody really cared what level of math I took, as long as I had math credits. So I took 'Basic Math for Morons', which I got through with flying colors (that means I got a 'C'). When it comes to math, a rocket scientist I ain't.

Which brings me to my point. I'm going to pretend everybody else reading this understands what I am about to write, but don't be fooled - I still have no clue.

In an algebraic equation, there are two parts (at least I think). The first is the 'given'. The second is the unknown. The given is the part you know- the part you can solve. Forgive me, but let me use an illustration that I am going to make up, not knowing if it is a real algebraic equation.

4x5-2y=x

There, that looks official. (If I look at that bunch of numbers and letters too long, I start staring out the window). I have no clue what 'X' is if I focus on 'X'. And that's my point. I CAN'T know until I do the part I can do - the 4x5 part. That part is the information that is given to me to do. Once I do that, I am supposed to be able to do the rest. I still don't know how.

I talk to so many people who want all the answers in life. "Should I do this or do that? And what about this or that?" They think that because I am a life coach, I somehow have all the magic answers to life. (I did once, but I seem to have misplaced them). People want to know what the 'right' path is, and I tell them to ask God, not me. What advice I can throw their way is usually this: Do your givens. What that means is that they have a choice about what they focus on; stuff they can do something about, or stuff they can't do something about. I can't figure out what 'X' is, but I can figure out what 4x5 is. I can focus on the things happening to me, the things that I am powerless over, and get really overwhelmed and depressed. I can also decide to do what is before me and that is obvious and let God take care of the 'X's in life. And when 'X' becomes known, then I can do that part.

Usually there is a 'next step' for me to take. It might not answer all the questions I have, but it is my next step. So many of us like to get lost in the 3rd or 4th or 5th steps down the road that we can't even predict, let alone take. And we ignore the 'given' in front of our noses. How many times do we control God by deciding what he can and cannot do? We don't want to do the given because we are so focused on 'X'.

I talked about the greenhouse a couple blogs ago. I realized that I can't expect things to grow unless I do my givens - plant seeds and water the dumb things. What happens from there is God's business. All I am responsible for is the obvious before me.

So do your givens, and after that, do the next given. Let Papa be in charge of the big picture, and stick to the stuff that is already known in the equation- taking that next step. Most of the time I find that I can only see a few feet in front of me - like walking in a dense fog. I can't know where I am going. All I can do is take that next step. So take the steps, and hold His hand in the fog.

I wanna be like Forest Gump

"My momma always says life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get". If you haven't seen the movie Forest Gump, see it. Some of life's most profound truths come from that movie. My favorite part is where Forest is running, for no apparent reason. His voice over says something like this; "When I was hungry, I ate. When I was tired, I slept. When I was thirsty, I drank."

I find something remarkable in his words. As I coach people, I find this simple wisdom lacking from many of our lives. We don't rest when we are tired. We push and push, even harder. We think there must be something wrong with us when we are tired. What is it about our culture that teaches us to do what we can't, go beyond what we can, and assumes if there is something wrong with the picture, it must be our fault?

I wonder sometimes why we don't listen inside. When we are hungry, why don't we eat? I don't mean by that that we should do whatever, whenever we want. I think that would probably be called hedonism. No, what I mean is that many I talk to don't listen to themselves, their bodies, the spirit of God inside, telling them to slow down, take care of themselves. It is far more the norm to push beyond our limits, go without basic necessities, and damn ourselves when we get sick, when relationships break down, when we end up on medication because we can't sleep.

What would it be like if we were to actually take care of ourselves? Well, for one thing, we would have to turn the control of the universe over to God. We would have to let go of our need to control and manipulate everything in our lives. We would have to trust in something or someone bigger than ourselves. And we would have to release our demands that life go exactly like we think it should. I wonder though, if we were to take care of our physical selves, if we might not just hear from Papa more often. I wonder if we might not do better in relationships since we might be able to pull back from the brink of exhaustion and live more sanely. I wonder if we might find more joy by moving a little slower, not faster.

In a previous blog I talked about talking to Chris, the homeless dude. There was something attractive about the way Chris lived. For one thing, he moved slow. He said he had to conserve energy. I thought that was kinda strange at first, but when I thought about it, he had to scrounge for food, so he probably didn't want to waste the energy he had doing things that didn't renew his body. His needs were simple; food, a place to sleep, and a few things in his pack. Boy, am I glad to be better off than Chris. Then I can have more stuff to worry about, work longer hours to pay for the stuff, and be more stressed out as I try to stay in the rat race.

Maybe it would be a good thing if we all could be a little more like Forest Gump. Maybe it would be good for all of us to be homeless for a few days. Maybe we could get back something very important we seem to have lost.