It is funny how much my perspective of 'ministry' has changed. I remember thinking, at the very beginning of my journey, that ministry was something you did for Jesus. When I first heard about youth ministry, I thought "you mean I could serve God and get paid for it?" Suddenly ministry was a way to make money. Then there was the church ladder to climb - youth minister for a few years, then associate pastor, then lead pastor. All a safe and secure way to get paid - for the rest of my years- for serving God. That was ministry.
When I left the traditional church, I found that I took the same thought processes with me. 'Ministry' was serving God, but now I wasn't getting paid for it. That was okay. I just wanted God to use me and do great things through me. After all, wasn't that the whole point? I prayed for opportunities to do great things, and looked for people in need that God could use me to minister to.
The picture looks quite a bit different now. I see that my 'wanting to be used' by God was really a vehicle to keep me safely away from having to know God. I realized that it was far easier to be 'used of God' than it was to not be used - to just sit in the inactivity and really get to know His character and voice and friendship. I would have far sooner served - at least I knew what to do in that arena. But to only see myself as someone God would use, and not someone that God would want to be friends with put me in a stance of letting myself be abused, not loved. Let me explain.
I had the idea that God could do whatever he wanted with me. If it was special and made me popular, I wanted it. Then I realized one day the one-sidedness of my willingness to serve, so I opened myself up to do 'whatever' God wanted, including seeing myself in unsavory situations "for the sake of the call". If God wanted me to eat worms from a garbage heap and live with cardboard as clothing, I would do it. After all, many people in the world live like that. I would do whatever He wanted.
That makes for a great sounding sacrificial life, but doesn't reflect the character of God. That stance makes me look great as the completely willing servant, but it doesn't reflect the truth of who God is. It paints Him as a user and manipulator, not a lover who sacrificed for us.
So I am learning to be in relationship with Him first - to know and live in His love and desire for me to know him. If He wants to use me, that's His business. But I realize now that being used of God isn't relationship with God - or if it is, it is a very myopic view of His working in our lives. And I know that my Papa wants to know me more than He wants to use me. He wants to walk in relationship far more than He wants to use me toward His end.
Let me end with this thought - think about it. Would any of us choose to be in a friendship where the other person is all about using us to his own end? Or would we rather have a friend who is far more interested in us than in using us?
About Me
- Mike Ege
- There is an adventure to be lived with God - a relationship with Him should be nothing less than that. As I walk with the Lord, I am continually amazed with how globally and intimately He can interact with mankind, both at the same time.
3 comments:
Mike, you have touched on such a good point, the "ladder of success" in the church. The problem is that there is acutually no ladder in the CHURCH. I spent 52 years climbing that ladder only to find that Jesus was down on the ground with all the other other people.
Bless you for your thoughs
Right on Mike. I like to think a lot about what Jesus said in Jn 15 about no longer being servants and being friends because we know the Master's business. I like to think that the "shane's paraphrased edition," which says that we're friends, and more than that, because not only do we know His business, but we know His heart.
So many times, traditional evangelicalism thinks the business of the Father is saving souls, which it is, but more than that it's giving unbelievable love, affection, adoration, approval, and genuine friendship to weak, twisted, sick, crazy, wacked out people like me and you.
I've often said that you can get more done in 5 minutes of relationship with Papa than you could in 5 hours of "quiet time and devotion." One of the heroes that I look up to once said that he was praying that God would give him 11 months of the year to be with Him and then 1 month of ministry. He believes that he would be that much more effective. I think that's a pretty cool idea, maybe if I had a place to hole up for 11 months, maybe in the Durango area? haha just kiddin'.
Boy, I like this one a bunch, Mike. It's so beautiful how Father's awakening His own to see Him for who He really is, and to leave our man-made ideas in the dust. How much more I actually want to know this fascinating Papa, once I get myself and my own vanity out of the way. I always appreciate hearing your heart here.
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