Being a Man of Your Word

So I have these two friends, or at least used to have these two friends, who have the same lack in personality. They are a blast to be with, and it always turns out to be fun when we get together. They are both selfless at times, and would do anything for me if I needed them to. They are the kind of guys that add to my arsenal of friends - sometimes. It's not that they aren't quality guys - they are and then some. It's that they aren't men of their word.

A classic line for the one is "I'll give you a call on Friday afternoon and see if we can hook up this weekend." But he never calls. If it had happened a couple times, it wouldn't be such a big deal, but it has happened dozens of times, to the point where it makes me cringe when he says the words, because I know he won't follow through. He never does. It seems like it would be more honest to just stop making statements you don't plan on doing anyway, rather than being dishonest by saying them because they make it look like you are having relationship.

The other guy and I have gone really deep together many times. And then he disappeared without explanation from my life. Every once in awhile I will get an email or something from him saying he wants to talk, and then I don't hear from him again. The last one was just a couple weeks ago, and he wanted to connect and said he missed me and he valued me. I emailed back right away. Still haven't heard from him. The last time he did this was a couple years ago, and it was probably a couple years before that he did the same thing. Lots of desire, no follow through.

It seems that relationship must be really hard for both of them. I love them both, but I am hurt that they won't enter in with me, or follow through with something.

As I was writing this, the Revelation passage came into my head where Jesus says something like "I wish you were either hot or cold, but because you are luke warm, I will spit you out of my mouth". I think I am understanding a little more what Jesus was saying. I know His deepest passion was to be in intimate relationship with the people he was talking to. And they couldn't or wouldn't cut it. I know the feeling. I wish my two 'friends' would either let me know they would like to move on into other relationships, or they would like to really get into ours, but because they won't take any steps in either direction, it makes me want to throw up.

Where are the men who want to be men of their word? Where are the men who are willing to look in the mirror of relationship and see their lack of the ability to relate, and at least acknowledge it? It doesn't seem like such a big request - if you say you are going to do something, do it. Be a man who lives his word. That can be easily remedied by stopping saying things you aren't going to do anyway, or actually follow through. It isn't rocket science.

I know I sound angry. Probably because I am (funny how that works). It isn't my intention to judge or put down either of these guys. I just want relationship with them - I really do love them. They just won't enter in with me.

And suddenly I think about all the years my Papa longed, probably sometimes with anger, for me to be His friend. How He must have ached for me to just be with Him! I guess I am tasting some of what He tasted all those years I wandered.