I was just reading my own blogs and realized I left you hanging. My grandson, Landon James, came home to live with mom and dad 2 days ago. Since I haven't received any panic calls from my son, I am thinking they are doing good. I drive the 2500 miles round trip next week to meet him for the first time. You could say I am looking forward to the introduction.
Thank you to everyone who has cared and prayed. And thanks especially to grampachapman for his vulnerable heart.
Now my prayer is that Landon turns out to give his dad as much grief as his father gave me...
Friday, July 24, 2009
The path of pain
Life has been taking me down some tough roads lately. I guess it might be better to say that they are vicariously tough - I seem to be walking with folks who are going through really tough times. It is a path I wish I didn't know so well.
I hate watching people I love having to endure pain. It is harder still to be the one to encourage them to not only endure that pain, but to embrace it. Because it is the vehicle of pain that changes us. It was the pain Jesus suffered on the cross that paid for our healing. Remember that Isaiah verse "By His Stripes (wounds) we are healed"? Jesus' death paid for our sin, but it was His suffering - enduring pain - that healed us. His willingness to embrace pain literally changed all of history for the rest of us.
But encouraging people to not run from their pain and embrace it instead is an unwelcome gospel. The only thing that makes the carrier of that message believable is their own embracing of pain. And there is something inside of all of us that can tell if a person really knows what they are talking about when it comes to pain. You have either been there or you haven't. And people can tell if you have.
And sadly, we need more people to be willing to go there so we can have have more people who have been there. Those "been there" folks are worth more than gold to the body of Christ. But they are few and far between. I guess our comfort has become more important than our growth.
I hate watching people I love having to endure pain. It is harder still to be the one to encourage them to not only endure that pain, but to embrace it. Because it is the vehicle of pain that changes us. It was the pain Jesus suffered on the cross that paid for our healing. Remember that Isaiah verse "By His Stripes (wounds) we are healed"? Jesus' death paid for our sin, but it was His suffering - enduring pain - that healed us. His willingness to embrace pain literally changed all of history for the rest of us.
But encouraging people to not run from their pain and embrace it instead is an unwelcome gospel. The only thing that makes the carrier of that message believable is their own embracing of pain. And there is something inside of all of us that can tell if a person really knows what they are talking about when it comes to pain. You have either been there or you haven't. And people can tell if you have.
And sadly, we need more people to be willing to go there so we can have have more people who have been there. Those "been there" folks are worth more than gold to the body of Christ. But they are few and far between. I guess our comfort has become more important than our growth.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Being a dad
It has been way too long since I have written. As I reflect on the space between my last post and this one, I notice that this is the place where I share my heart. I also notice that "heart" is one of the gifts that makes me unique. So here are some thoughts from my heart.
My first grandson was born two days ago. His father and I have always had a special bond, so we have talked lots over the last few days leading up to Landon's birth. Keagan and I used to work together, and when times got tough, he would lean my way with his concerns.
But today is hard for two reasons. Today is my birthday, and I find myself torn between celebrating another year, and my grandson being in the hospital. Landon is getting oxygen and in special care because he is having trouble breathing. His dad called early this morning scared and in pain. It hurt me so much to watch him have to face the terror of the tentativeness of life. It is a powerlessness that comes with fatherhood, one that we all have to face sooner or later in our journey. It is also one you wish you could spare your kids from. I noticed my own fear for Landon, and my inability to really offer solid hope for my son, the new father. It was one of those times I won't forget quickly.
One of the things that struck me particularly hard was that having a son of your own really brings home the love our Papa must have had for us in giving His only son. What a crazy, vulnerable, selfless, terrifying act of love toward a people who can't see past their own pain and self focusedness to receive the gift.
So what am I saying? I'm not sure if I even know. I guess I want to communicate something about the profound love of God and the tentative path that life takes sometimes, and that though we have no guarantees that things will go good, we have the guarantee that we will never be alone when it happens. If our goal is to have a Papa with us, we can count on it. If our goal is to have the rough spots go away, we are going to be left feeling pretty alone.
I am scared for Landon and his dad and his dad's dad. All of them could use your prayers today.
My first grandson was born two days ago. His father and I have always had a special bond, so we have talked lots over the last few days leading up to Landon's birth. Keagan and I used to work together, and when times got tough, he would lean my way with his concerns.
But today is hard for two reasons. Today is my birthday, and I find myself torn between celebrating another year, and my grandson being in the hospital. Landon is getting oxygen and in special care because he is having trouble breathing. His dad called early this morning scared and in pain. It hurt me so much to watch him have to face the terror of the tentativeness of life. It is a powerlessness that comes with fatherhood, one that we all have to face sooner or later in our journey. It is also one you wish you could spare your kids from. I noticed my own fear for Landon, and my inability to really offer solid hope for my son, the new father. It was one of those times I won't forget quickly.
One of the things that struck me particularly hard was that having a son of your own really brings home the love our Papa must have had for us in giving His only son. What a crazy, vulnerable, selfless, terrifying act of love toward a people who can't see past their own pain and self focusedness to receive the gift.
So what am I saying? I'm not sure if I even know. I guess I want to communicate something about the profound love of God and the tentative path that life takes sometimes, and that though we have no guarantees that things will go good, we have the guarantee that we will never be alone when it happens. If our goal is to have a Papa with us, we can count on it. If our goal is to have the rough spots go away, we are going to be left feeling pretty alone.
I am scared for Landon and his dad and his dad's dad. All of them could use your prayers today.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Walking through chaos
Life has been really busy lately. We had a trip to Tucson for 5 days, then a trip into the back country for 5 days, all the while having friends in town. It has been strange to let myself sit in the chaos and just learn from it. Not my normal style...
I find it hard to remind myself that Papa is in even the chaotic times. He never leaves us. He is right here, all the time. I have to remind myself that He doesn't leave when I feel alone or lost or chaotic. There is no way to separate from Him, even if I wanted. I belong to Him - we are one - I can trust His eternal presence.
So I am trying to walk in this new truth, this more correct understanding of His participation in my life. I am trying to challenge the thinking that says He leaves me when things are busy or chaotic. I am reminded of the times when some moron has tried to tell me that God is never chaotic, and that if I am in chaos, He isn't. Although I believe that God is never in a chaotic state, I know that He is with me when I am in a chaotic place. There is a huge difference.
God is here. God is now. And He walks with me regardless where I go. I am deeply appreciative of my Papa who doesn't vacate when my world gets scattered. He is the centering place, the sense in the middle of nonsense, the anchor in the storm.
Thank you Papa for you steadfast presence in my life.
I find it hard to remind myself that Papa is in even the chaotic times. He never leaves us. He is right here, all the time. I have to remind myself that He doesn't leave when I feel alone or lost or chaotic. There is no way to separate from Him, even if I wanted. I belong to Him - we are one - I can trust His eternal presence.
So I am trying to walk in this new truth, this more correct understanding of His participation in my life. I am trying to challenge the thinking that says He leaves me when things are busy or chaotic. I am reminded of the times when some moron has tried to tell me that God is never chaotic, and that if I am in chaos, He isn't. Although I believe that God is never in a chaotic state, I know that He is with me when I am in a chaotic place. There is a huge difference.
God is here. God is now. And He walks with me regardless where I go. I am deeply appreciative of my Papa who doesn't vacate when my world gets scattered. He is the centering place, the sense in the middle of nonsense, the anchor in the storm.
Thank you Papa for you steadfast presence in my life.
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