Smokin In The Boy's Room

There used to the coolest song when I was young called "Smokin in The Boy's Room" that had a line that went something like this:

"Ever seem to have one of those days when it seems like everybody is getting on your case all the way from the teacher down to your best girlfriend? Well I used to have those days just about all the time. Well I found a way to get out of it. Let me tell you about it...."

The answer to his dilemma was sneaking out of class and having a smoke in the restroom at school. Somehow even back then I knew that wasn't going to solve any of my problems. The TV told me that "White teeth and fresh breathe would get Jenny back again", but Close Up tooth paste didn't solve much either. Come to think of it, there were lots of promises made when I was younger that didn't come true. It seems promises rarely do.

Somehow I got the message that everything would go my way if I just did the right things. Imagine my disappointment when I became a follower of Jesus and He didn't make my struggles go away either (though I think my teeth might be a little whiter as a Christian). Being the rocket scientist that I am, it only took me 20+ years of walking the road with Jesus to finally figure out He didn't exist to solve my problems. And contrary to popular belief and teaching, it isn't His job to solve my problems. What's more, He NEVER said He would. What He promises is to never leave me or forsake me.

It is interesting in our hedonistic, "please me NOW!" culture, that we try to paint Jesus into our picture as someone who will do whatever we want. And somewhere under our false belief system we get angry with Him for not solving our problems. In fact, there is a disappointment under our faith that says something like "You mean all I get is His presence? No new cars, white teeth, fresh breath, no new house, not even a Harley - nothing?" And we inwardly are disappointed with God. We think He deceived us and did the old bait and switch, promising many things, delivering only a couple.

God didn't change. He is still love. He can't be anything else. It is who and what and how He is. If you have been sold a belief system that says more than that, think about challenging it. Because smokin in the boy's room, brushing your teeth more, doing all the right Christian behaviors, praying more, believing more, or any other events in the "stupid Olympics" won't change the fact that God loves you, walks with you, and will never leave you. Try getting to know Him, since His being with you always is a promise you can count on.

Willie the Cat

We have this stupid cat at our house. His name is Willie, but when pronounced correctly, it sounds more like Widdie (long story). We got Willie from some people out of their car. They were nice folks who had spoiled him from birth, and they had to down size the number of animals they had. So we met them at an intersection of some road and some other road and got this cat. It wasn't love at first sight as much as it was pity at first sight.

Willie has grown on us, and much to our surprise, turned into one of the prettiest cats I have ever seen. And he doesn't have 9 lives. He has 9 personalities that shift throughout the day. He
is a real character.

One of his favorite things is to play by water. Whether a bathtub or toilet or pond, he is fascinated with water. His pattern is always the same; he will piddle around the edges, but never really get wet. He'll splash himself, but not get all the way in - like most cats. I pushed him into the tub one time, which was really fun for me, but I don't think Willie had much fun. He glared at me and then bolted for the underside of the bed to hide and lick his wounds.

Willie reminds me of a lot of people I know. They play with the edges of things, but never really get wet. They have just enough God to inoculate them from really getting a good case of God. Or they dabble in sin enough to keep it alive, but they never really get in and sin out loud. I'm not suggesting they do, but if they were to just get it done with, the natural course of reaping what we sow could take place and it could run its course and then it could be dealt with, and they could move on. Instead, many tend to inoculate themselves from real change because they never really embrace their sinning or their God. They just splash themselves a little, and when there is too much of either, they quickly hide under the bed to take care of their wounds.

I'm not suggesting that any one go sin. I am suggesting that we live out loud, that we not just play with the edges of everything in life, but we fully embrace whatever comes down the pipe. That we choose to enter in with God rather than just play with the comfortable edges of religion. Maybe we need more people who aren't afraid to get wet. How did Jesus say it? "I wish you were either hot or cold, but because you are neither, I will spit you out of my mouth."

So don't be a Willie. Get into life. And especially get into God. Get all wet with the the reality of who He is. Lose yourself in the water of His love.

Suggesting the Controversial

There has been a significant shift in my experience of my faith since leaving the institutional church. That's actually an understatement, to put it mildly. Everything about my faith has changed. I actually wonder sometimes if I was a real follower of Jesus back in the box.

One of the most prominant changes is that now I am seen as "not really a Christian" because I don't go to church. People somehow equate 'outside the box' as 'not really in line with Christ'. I suppose I don't help much with my new thinking style. I challenge things, question things, struggle to unwrap my mind from my religious thinking and start knowing Jesus again. I challenge things like the false belief that the bible is the word of God. It isn't, by the way. Jesus is the Word. The Bible is a book about Jesus. The book isn't Him. Needless to say, my thoughts leave people questioning whether I am going to hell or not, which I am not sure I believe in either.

Somehow when a person like me steps outside the 'what we have always been told' and dares to question or think outside 'what we have always been told', my heart is quickly condemned as a heretic or demonic. (Funny, religious people said the same things about Jesus).

I am not saying I am right about anything I believe. I know I am no authority. What I am saying is that Jesus challenged religious thinking that was more interested in comfortable and safe rules than it was in alive relationship with a living God. When people chose the stance of 'this is what we have always been taught', he challenged them. He seemed to want them to be alive more than he wanted them to be theologically correct. Loving God seemed to be more important than right believing.

So I wonder what he would say if he were to talk to the church of today. Would he challenge them with beliefs they found hard to swallow? Would it tick some people off? Would the church go as far as to label him a heretic? How about killing him?

I believe that the institutional church is not only very capable of the above behaviors, but has committed even worse over the years. That truth is obvious. What I want to challenge people to think about is the real church - you and me - and how we will behave toward people who actually think rather than just recite religious mantas. Is there room for them to grow and question, or must they believe the same as we do? Will we take our own religious thinking and carry it with us outside the church walls? May God rip it out of our hands on the way to the church parking lot.

The King of Comfort

My wife and I just got back from a 4 day backpack trip. We go almost every weekend, but not usually for 4 days. This one was a special time away with just me and her. It struck me as we were out on day 3 that backpacking is mostly about different degrees of comfort. The only difference from real life is that everything you carry backpacking is about weight.

There are really two essential things when it comes to backpacking - water and weight. You can't live without water. We carry it with us on our backs (hence the clever title 'backpacking'). Everything else about backpacking is a balance between necessity and comfort. For instance, I can get my food down to under a pound per day. Unless I want things like steak, cold beer, chocolate desserts, or watermelon, then the pack weight goes up a hair. Somewhere in there the item seems to lose its appeal when you realize you have to carry it everywhere you go.

Items like a sleeping pad are nice, but not essential. You won't die without it, you'll just be really, really crabby the next day because you didn't get much sleep. Camp shoes are nice so you can get out of your smelly old boots at the end of the day, but you can live without them. A camera is great to have along. So is a book, an extra pair of shorts, sunglasses, video equipment, a new Mercedes, and flat screen TV, a new bowling ball, and an escalator (to take you up the hills). Somewhere in there you have to drawn a line. Is it between flat screen and bowling ball? Or maybe between Camp shoes and sleeping pad?

The ONE thing that really strikes me over and over about backpacking is that it FORCES me to have to look at what really matters. I have to live simple backpacking. It is hot enough and hard enough without 60 pounds on my back. The difference between a full water bottle and an empty one is extremely noticeable, let alone toting the flat screen.

And when I come back from a trip, I look around me at all the crap I think I need to live. Stuff I am sure that I would die without. Stuff that is all completely essential, like 5 pairs of jeans, two vehicles, food in the cupboard. With backpacker's eyes, the 'essentials' don't look quite so essential.

So how much could you live without? What could you get rid of to lighten your pack? How much do you really need that thing?

A missions organization I knew when I was in Bible college had a perfect theme:

"Live simply so that other's can simply live".

Profound, Huh?

Going to the First Church of Stupid

My brother and I were talking the other day. He was telling me about going to another church one Sunday morning. He said that it suddenly struck him how each church has to have their own little idiosyncrasies about the way they are different from other denominations. This one had a special set of rules about baptism that they thought they were right about, and everybody else wrong. It got me to thinking about other asinine rules that denominations have had in my church experience. Here's a few that I have encountered (each of these is true, by the way):

"You have to baptised at our church, and by immersion, because that's what the Bible says." (Evidently God will be checking to see if we do everything right - and we get extra points if we do it all the 'right' way.)

"You can't serve in this church if you aren't a member." (This happened after I had been serving for almost 5 years and refused to join the club)

"Women can't teach men at our church. They need be be under authority." (Interesting that women could teach males if they were kids, but not if they were adults who acted like kids.)

"You can't drink, buy things on Sundays, or go to movies if you attend our church." (Jesus never went to movies, he just told parables that were like movies. And he didn't shop on Sundays, he worked. And EVERYBODY knows that the host of the feast at Cana was talking about grape juice - they really were just having a good time on Welches.)

"If you don't tithe at least 10%, you can't be considered for leadership. After all, Jesus tithed." (We'll ignore the fact that what Jesus did was find a fish with a coin in it's mouth and suggested that it ALL be given, not just 10%).

I could go on and on, and become even more sarcastic about the stupid things that churches do. I am going to choose to not do that right now because it still makes me really angry, and I don't want to give the institution any more power to ruin my life. Instead, I want to use the frustration to live different.

I ask myself what stupid rules I have. What idiosyncrasies do I heap onto others in some vain attempt to change them into someone I want them to be? How do I live as I try not to create in my own heart the First Church of Stupid? Do I do really empty rituals just because I am supposed to do them? And what boxes do I still put God in?

I find that I am discovering Papa in a whole new way outside the First Church of Stupid. But I also find that some 'stupid' still lingers in me. Nice to know that Papa loves me, whether I got stupid all over me, or whether I have found a way to have it surgically removed. Because I am learning that we can do and be stupid all day if our faith is about us. When we shift to focusing only on Him, something new begins to happen - maybe despite us.

So here's to the First Church of Stupid in my own heart, with ever decreasing attendance!

Insulation

I know - I pick the weirdest topics to blog about. Sorry - I don't try to be weird - it just comes natural - I can't help it - it's not my fault.

We just got back from a short backpack trip and I was thinking about what it is I love about it. I had this moment on the side of a mountain this morning as we were hiking out. It was somewhat of an epiphany (whatever that means). The sun was shining in brilliant Colorado fashion. There was a light breeze. Aspen and Ponderosa pine were all around me, and this majestic mountain peak in front of me as I looked off across the valley. It all seemed so vivid.

And it struck me that what I like about backpacking is that it removes all the stuff that separates me from real life. You can't carry many luxuries out there into the wilderness. A stocking cap at night is a luxury (I forgot mine on this particular trip, so I stole Laura's - She has hair to insulate her head, and I seemed to be deprived that way). Typically in backpacking there just isn't much to separate you from the real world. When it gets cold, you feel it. When it rains, you get wet. When it's hot, you sweat. There isn't any heater or air conditioner to turn on. There isn't any climate control.

Think about how much of our lives are lived insulated from what is real. Many of us work in air conditioned offices, with dehumidifiers going. Our windows are tinted to cut down glare and then we still wear sunglasses. All cars have heaters and many have A/C (everybody's it seems, except mine). Even some motorcycles have a heating system. Our exercise bikes have racks for magazines in front of them, and many of us exercise in a carpeted gyms with a stair machine and multiple TV screens. Our cars have DVD players, our pews have pads, our offering plates have padded bottoms, our streets have piped in music, and our lives are lived safely insulated from anything that might make us the slightest bit uncomfortable. Watch any kid these days - especially at the mall, and see how long they can go without doing SOMETHING with their phone. It just becomes more insulation.

I think we get pretty insulated from God as well. We have our little spiritual chores, and if we do them, each in it's own little place, we stay pretty safe and insulated from God. Our 'walk' becomes a checklist - devotions, prayer, read Our Daily Bread, read a chapter from the Bible, share our faith - there, am I done yet? Heaven forbid that I would have to drop all my spiritual pretense and my safe, predictable routine and have to live today without my props. Spiritual disciplines become insulation so I don't have to deal with God in the middle of anything real in my life.

Almost two years ago I stopped being spiritually disciplined. I decided that religion and ritual were keeping me from really experiencing Papa. Religious activity was keeping me safely insulated from really having to know Him. So I stopped it all. Needless to say, the trail has been quite different since then. Sometimes it is really uncomfortable. Sometimes I have no clue where I am going. Sometimes He is so vivid it takes my breath away. But almost always it is honest and real and uninsulated.

Talking to a homeless guy - again

A few blogs ago I talked about talking to a homeless guy in our area named Chris. Today we went walking in the park, and there he was again, sitting on a picnic table. I went over and sat next to him, reintroducing myself, and began talking. We chatted about what he had been up to, where he was from, and how long he had been in the area. Evidently homelessness was a chosen profession for him. He didn't have to be there - he wanted to be there. I asked him what he did all day, and he said he talked to people or tried to find food. It struck me that he didn't have to work, pay taxes, by gas, pay rent, register his car, buy groceries, talk on the cell phone, return emails, or pretty much anything I have to do everyday. I decided I wanted to be homeless.

Chris does whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Life isn't always easy, but it is what he has chosen, and he seems very happy doing what he does. We didn't talk about Jesus. We didn't talk about getting him a job. We didn't talk about what he was running from. We just talked. It was weird and kinda cool. I really did walk away feeling a little jealous. His worries were little compared to mine. He had to find a place to sleep, and enough food, but it was obvious he wasn't starving - he had a few extra calories around the waist. I found myself asking myself why I lived the way I lived. I should have been trying to convince him to live like us 'normal' people, but instead, I was wanting to live a little lighter, like he does.

Where did we learn we had to have more, and that 'more' has to increase every year? Where did we buy this bill of goods that says we have to have a car and a house and a job and the American dream? Are we really any happier or more well off than Chris? Most of us work hard, selling our lives so we can give it all away so we can have a place to sleep and some food. Is it worth it? I'm not saying we should all go be homeless. I am saying that maybe we 'normal' people are the ones that need the changing, the saving, the help.

In parting, I asked Chris if he needed anything. He said he needed a 5 gallon bucket, cut in half, that he could use for washing in a little hotspring pool he had found. He said it wasn't deep enough to get all the way in, so the bucket would help. And he said he could use some food.
So a couple hours later we found him hitchhiking along the road, and we stopped and picked him up. I handed him a cut off bucket and some food. Not because that's what Christians are supposed to do, but because I wanted to live a little lighter today.

"When you have done it to the least of these, my brothers, you have done it unto me". I wonder if Chris was the 'least of these', or I was.

Finding Arrowheads

Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted to find an arrowhead. I remember my dad coming home with a spear head he had found in the midwest field he had been disking. It was made of flint, and I couldn't quit staring at it. It was a real Indian artifact! A real Indian had made it a hundred and fifty years earlier. It was a piece of history. I was really into the western days, and particularly the Indians. I read about them, studied everything I could find, visited Indian museums, tried doing the things I read about them doing. It was so cool. And suddenly there was a real spear head in front of me.

I'm a little older now, and Indians are called Native Americans now, and all these years I have wanting to find an arrowhead of my own. Dad would never let me 'have' the spearhead, so I wanted to be like dad and find one laying somewhere. I have looked for years. I have prayed many times that God would let me find one. It has been one of those things that I have been looking for as long as I could remember. My eye has always been trained on that angular piece of rock that I could unearth and declare mine.

I told you about our growing dome a few blogs back. It is a hexagon greenhouse, with soil in big planters. We had a heck of a time getting anything to grow in the soil that was in there when we moved in, so I dug some up from elsewhere on the property and mixed the new soil in with the old. We finally got something to grow, and I forgot about it.

Yesterday I was watering the pepper plants. I don't know why I noticed it, but I saw an Obsidian rock on the outer edge of the planter. I didn't remember ever seeing it there before, so I picked it out to throw away. And suddenly I looked at it. Yep, you guessed it. It was a 2 inch arrowhead. My arrowhead. My first arrowhead ever. I found one!

Sometimes Papa does things that we could never understand. When I wasn't looking, I found. All the prayer gymnastics didn't do any good all those times I tried to manipulate God into giving me an arrowhead. He did it yesterday just because He loves me. I wasn't even looking. I think He did it that way on purpose - so I couldn't think I did anything to deserve it.

Kinda like His love and grace huh? Totally there, unattached to any performance or manipulation on our part. Just because He loves. Just because He IS love.

Getting High

I was putting down vinyl flooring in the bathroom today, getting ready for our first guest to visit the Ege Ranch (that's a joke). Seriously, it was our hope and vision that Papa would bring people to our house. People who just needed a place to get away - to relax or be ministered to or whatever the need. It was one of those "If you build it, they will come" type of things. We had hoped for a huge place with a whole other wing for people to stay in, but we ended up with a spare bedroom. Hence, the need for a bathroom, Hence the vinyl flooring. Hence this blog.

So I am putting down the vinyl with this new kind of adhesive that said "Only use in well ventilated area". Yeah, right. Like I have ever heeded that warning. So I am putting the stuff down, and getting happier and happier as I do, and my head starts spinning and I start feeling really funny. That's why I used the word "Hence" three times in the first paragraph. Being high makes the word actually sound cool. (For those of you who have never done drugs, just ignore this blog today.)

It didn't help that I am rushing for our guest, who is arriving tomorrow. I actually had all the plumbing done in the walls and had them closed up and then realized I couldn't open the door to the shower because the toilet was in the way. So I had to tear it all apart and move the shower plumbing and then move the toilet. So I am working my tail off, repairing sub floor, insulating, putting in vinyl (yippee!), and drywalling. I still have to paint and install the shower and trim everything and put on the towel rods before she comes. (I might need some more of that adhesive to get it all done in time).

And when she arrives, she will have no clue what I have been doing behind the scenes. When she walks into the bathroom, it will look like a bathroom. Nothing special. All the work will be unnoticed. That's the point. She won't notice the mess it was 12 hours before.

I wonder sometimes how we get so short sighted when we think Papa isn't working. I don't think we have a clue about all the work that goes on behind the scenes. If we had even an inkling of an idea of what He has done that will never be noticed, we would need to huff some adhesive to comprehend it all.

So don't just walk into the bathroom of your life and think everything has always been that way. Take notice what's behind the walls. Look at all He has done, and is doing, and try to notice that He is alive, working on your behalf, and deeply in love with you.

Wrestling with gremlins

It's one of those days where life feels out of control within the first hour of rising. The same old gremlins that have always been in my head. Ever since I was a kid they have told me how bad I am, how many mistakes I have made, how lousy of a human I am. I think there are many of us who probably have the same little critters rolling around in our heads. I've talked to enough people to know I am not the only one.

For many years they have run unchecked, unedited - and ruined much of my life. I realized today that there is nothing new in the negative junk in my head. It's the same old mantra. What I did realize today that was new was that ignoring it isn't working. I realized that I can distract myself all day long, and they will still be there at the end of the day. I realized today that I can learn something from Papa in that place I avoid. There is a gift somewhere in there, if I will let myself sit with it.

I guess that probably doesn't sound very profound. I am realizing that almost everything about my Christianity up to the last couple years has been about me being comfortable as a Christian. Padded pews, Christian radio, Christian CDs, socializing with Christians, beautiful people performing beautiful music so I can have a really great experience. All of it for one person's glory - me.

I'm tired of it. I hate being uncomfortable as much as the next guy. Maybe more. But I am more tired of my subtle demand for comfort dictating where I go in my faith. I believe that Papa is calling me to sit with the gremlins and stop letting them bully me, and meet Him in a new way there. I have always avoided that place. It was too uncomfortable. Now I see that a lie bigger than the messages of my gremlins has been whispering in my ear about how important it is to stay fat and happy as a believer and it has been controlling my way of being with Jesus.

Today I want to do it His way. So the gremlins and I are going to have it out.