The path of pain

Life has been taking me down some tough roads lately. I guess it might be better to say that they are vicariously tough - I seem to be walking with folks who are going through really tough times. It is a path I wish I didn't know so well.

I hate watching people I love having to endure pain. It is harder still to be the one to encourage them to not only endure that pain, but to embrace it. Because it is the vehicle of pain that changes us. It was the pain Jesus suffered on the cross that paid for our healing. Remember that Isaiah verse "By His Stripes (wounds) we are healed"? Jesus' death paid for our sin, but it was His suffering - enduring pain - that healed us. His willingness to embrace pain literally changed all of history for the rest of us.

But encouraging people to not run from their pain and embrace it instead is an unwelcome gospel. The only thing that makes the carrier of that message believable is their own embracing of pain. And there is something inside of all of us that can tell if a person really knows what they are talking about when it comes to pain. You have either been there or you haven't. And people can tell if you have.

And sadly, we need more people to be willing to go there so we can have have more people who have been there. Those "been there" folks are worth more than gold to the body of Christ. But they are few and far between. I guess our comfort has become more important than our growth.

Being a dad

It has been way too long since I have written. As I reflect on the space between my last post and this one, I notice that this is the place where I share my heart. I also notice that "heart" is one of the gifts that makes me unique. So here are some thoughts from my heart.

My first grandson was born two days ago. His father and I have always had a special bond, so we have talked lots over the last few days leading up to Landon's birth. Keagan and I used to work together, and when times got tough, he would lean my way with his concerns.

But today is hard for two reasons. Today is my birthday, and I find myself torn between celebrating another year, and my grandson being in the hospital. Landon is getting oxygen and in special care because he is having trouble breathing. His dad called early this morning scared and in pain. It hurt me so much to watch him have to face the terror of the tentativeness of life. It is a powerlessness that comes with fatherhood, one that we all have to face sooner or later in our journey. It is also one you wish you could spare your kids from. I noticed my own fear for Landon, and my inability to really offer solid hope for my son, the new father. It was one of those times I won't forget quickly.

One of the things that struck me particularly hard was that having a son of your own really brings home the love our Papa must have had for us in giving His only son. What a crazy, vulnerable, selfless, terrifying act of love toward a people who can't see past their own pain and self focusedness to receive the gift.

So what am I saying? I'm not sure if I even know. I guess I want to communicate something about the profound love of God and the tentative path that life takes sometimes, and that though we have no guarantees that things will go good, we have the guarantee that we will never be alone when it happens. If our goal is to have a Papa with us, we can count on it. If our goal is to have the rough spots go away, we are going to be left feeling pretty alone.

I am scared for Landon and his dad and his dad's dad. All of them could use your prayers today.

Walking through chaos

Life has been really busy lately. We had a trip to Tucson for 5 days, then a trip into the back country for 5 days, all the while having friends in town. It has been strange to let myself sit in the chaos and just learn from it. Not my normal style...

I find it hard to remind myself that Papa is in even the chaotic times. He never leaves us. He is right here, all the time. I have to remind myself that He doesn't leave when I feel alone or lost or chaotic. There is no way to separate from Him, even if I wanted. I belong to Him - we are one - I can trust His eternal presence.

So I am trying to walk in this new truth, this more correct understanding of His participation in my life. I am trying to challenge the thinking that says He leaves me when things are busy or chaotic. I am reminded of the times when some moron has tried to tell me that God is never chaotic, and that if I am in chaos, He isn't. Although I believe that God is never in a chaotic state, I know that He is with me when I am in a chaotic place. There is a huge difference.

God is here. God is now. And He walks with me regardless where I go. I am deeply appreciative of my Papa who doesn't vacate when my world gets scattered. He is the centering place, the sense in the middle of nonsense, the anchor in the storm.

Thank you Papa for you steadfast presence in my life.

Making things happen

I am beginning to see that there are two different kinds of people in the world. There are those that wait for things to happen in life, and there are those who make things happen in life. I am definitely the 'make things happen' kinda guy. But there are times when I find myself just waiting. I don't mean the times when God tells me to wait. I mean the times when I abdicate my call to 'make happen', and find myself just waiting for something.

Some of us are just made that way - to make things happen. But sometimes you look in the mirror and you realize that making things happen puts you at risk. You might make mistakes. You might look dumb. You might get labeled as impulsive or half assed because you take the risk rather than counting the cost.

I choose to believe that Papa made some of us the way we are, and that we can trust His natural bent within us. I will be scary - it is supposed to be. That is why they call it a walk of faith rather than a sure thing.

So being a 'make things happen' kinda guy means I need to go make things happen. It doesn't mean that I don't listen to sound counsel or hold back sometimes. It means that I can trust the way I am made because of my belief in who made me. So 'making things happen' is my unique way of glorifying God.

So Papa, at those times when I really question if I am glorifying you, may you, in your eternal grace, make sense of my life and bring glory to You. Even if it is despite me......

Pain and change

We were talking about Job today in our men's bible study, and the issue of pain and suffering came up. It struck me that we all have our fair share of it. Few are the people who haven't suffered.

But what hit me was the ways I personally try to avoid the pain in my life. I realized that I pretty successful most of the time in keeping my anxiety at bay. And in doing so, I feel more comfortable, but I miss the growing that God wants to do in me. Because it is pain that changes us. And when I avoid pain, I avoid change. How is He to grow His image in me if I am unwilling to embrace the very vehicle for transformation He allows to come my way?

I know I am not alone in this avoidance. It is a universal issue. I guess that is why we are so damned set on being comfortable all the time. That is why we surround ourselves with a hedge of safety and comfort that serves its purpose well. Maybe too well - it also keeps us insulated from the pain that can ultimately make us different people.

Unless people are willing to be transformed, we will never really live as the body of Christ.

An annointed moment

Today I was going through some old trunks where I store stuff from past lives. I have three of them. As I opened each, the smells of times gone by came wafting up from the past. It was like the years themselves came up to meet my senses, reminding me of all the time that has sifted through my fingers. I found myself wanting to cry. Not because I had wasted those years as much as I knew I hadn't fully lived some of them. I existed, just trying to get by, waiting for the future, killing time. Now I live the future as it again sifts all too quickly through my hands.

I eventually found what I was looking for. I realized as I closed the last one that the three trunks represent different lifetimes that I have lived - one from childhood, one from early adulthood, and one from life as a full fledged adult. What I had been looking for was anointing oil. I know that sounds weird, especially if you know me. The oil has always represented the presence and spirit of God to me. When I worked as a pastor, I would use the scented oil to touch on someones forehead, setting them apart for the work God had for them. The lingering scent of the oil reminded the anointed and the anointer of His eternal presence.

This weekend I will use that oil again. May the spirit of God pour His presence on all that I do, even if it is despite me.

Making splashes

I just sent my second book off for its first printing. It is funny to see how much I enjoy the process of writing - there is a deep sense of accomplishment having finished it. I never thought I would write just for fun. I guess it meets a deeper need to make a splash in the pond of life. I feel like a book does that. It leaves something behind with my name on it - literally.

So what kind of legacy will we live and leave? For some of us, that ripple in the pond will be the families we leave behind or the jobs we worked. For some it will be a thing they put their hand to and that they created or changed.

What kind of splash do you want to make? I really believe we have a choice about it - if we intentionally splash or not. Some of us will splash big, and some not so big. But I am reminded that the people who have made an impact on my life are mostly people that came and went - they might not even know the impact they had. There have been ripples on the surface of my pond long after they have come and gone. A few remain, and those I treasure deeply.

If I were to hand out some free coaching, I would simply say two words; Splash big!